Wait is that a good thing?

So, in college, i have found myself with an abundance of free time which i usually fill with a nice nap, some cheez-its or countless hours of potentially "stalking" people on facebook. If you have wandered over to the book of faces recently you will have noticed a plethora of new additions, applications, that further objectify yourself to everyone and give your "friends" another reason to judge you. So i added the BioRhythms application. Now BioRhythms are said to be based on your bodys nature cycle from birth. They are different than a horoscope or a fortune telling because these physical, emotional and intellectual measures of yourself are 100% unique and individual to you. They change daily. Today i was informed that it would be an excellent day for me emotionally, i would in fact be able to face any emotional challenge as if wearing a bullet-proof vest of emotions. Hmm, emotionally bullet-proof you say, so hypothetically if I were to have my heart completely broken and my entire world as I thought it was come tumbling down, i wouldn't feel a thing because it's that kind of day? How messed up is that? But then i thought maybe I am wearing this bullet proof vest today for a reason because something emotionally substantial is about to happen and without the vest i wouldn't be able to handle it! Part of my, strangely, hopes that is the case because if i am just randomly wearing this vest of emotions for no particular reason I probablly look pretty silly!

Walk This Way

Being a college student entails many new responsibilities including the ability to walk the equivalent of the great wall of china every single day. Do I exagerate excessively? Yes. But all this walking has inspired me with several different walking techniques, walking personas rather. My favorites include The Foxy Lady- this walk is the love child of a stellar outfit and overt confidence. It is my ulterego, that girl that i really wish i could be. It's not so much of a walk but rather a strut, a runway-esque stomp down the streets, up the stairs or wherever my high heels take me. Next is the Badass Motha Fucka-this walking persona developes from the sounds of kanYeWest blairing in my ears and the "don't mess with me" attitude plastered on my face. It is, in a word, badass. This last walk of mine i hold near and dear to my heart-The Minnesoooohta Nice walk. Being born and raised in the most loveable state in the continental U.S. I have developed a naive sense of trust and love for everyone around me. I walk with a big grin on my face a friendly reminder to everyone i meet that love actually is all around us, if you really look. These three walks, although terribly fun to portray and wonderful in their variety, have one distinct flaw....the fall factor. I am not the "luckiest" person in the world and i am prone to falling. If i trip well embodying one of these personas all the confidence and cool factor of the look is lost. I cannot even salvage myself with a spontaneous jog (or is it yog with a soft "j"?) attempt or dramatic role play of "forget about me, ill be fine, go on yourself...it was just too much pebble." No if falling occurs while walking i am overwhelmed with feelings of embarassment and reality, i am thrusted back into the world of that girl where i am just a student, walking to class, trying to find a place that feels like home.

Prognosis: Home Sickness

Although my head is not spinning, i don't feel all that nausous and i can breath clearly through both nostrils i am in fact very very sick. Homesick. Home sickness is a disease that possesses the body, over-powers it to a point of emotional and physical breakdown. Although i am pretty certain that i love it here at college i am still questioning every move i make. Am i making the right choice? Is this really the right path for me? If i take this class what major will i fall into and see myself working under in 5 to 10 years? These question are stressful. They make you feel small. They make you feel stupid. They make you miss your home where the toughest question you dealt with was whether or not you wanted your mommy to put cut up hot dogs in your macaroni and cheese. I am quite certain that i am that girl who thinks too much. I over-analyze every single aspect of my life, and i always have. Sometimes this process can be a good thing, like when i was considering buying that oversized peach organza sweater or debating the rationality to have a crush on both Johnny Depp and James Franco. However the downfall of this process comes when i over-analyze regular situations that to the outside world are just fine. Friendships that make total sense to others seem odd to me. Getting close to someone scares rather than excites me. Meeting new people makes me feel as though i am wearing a mask and i am too afraid to show them the real me in fear of their rejection even though i have shared conversations with them that vary in intellectual level from the war in Iraq to pooping. I hope someday to get past this anxiety, to let my guard down and to trust people again. I also hope that this homesickness doesn't turn into real sickness because i don't have my McMommy to nurse me back to health. Yes I did just give my mother a cutsie Grey's Anatomy nickname and now feel strange about putting her on the same level as the very sexy Patrick Demsey. I think im going to go play around in my medicine drawer and try and self medicate this thing out of me. (And by medicine drawer I mean half empty box of cheez-its and homemade brownies) Seriously.

It's official...it's college!

Here are five reasons why it has been made apparent that I am not just away from home on some wierd longer version of summer camp and why i am official a college student:

1. I eat, on average, 3 bowls of Lucky Charms every single day!
2. I have been locked out of my dorm room after taking a shower and been labeled naked shower girl for the entire dorm to see!
3. I have successfully managed to buy the equavalent of a small car in books from the DePaul bookstore
4. I have attempted to do my own laundry (In the process...I will keep you updated on the final status)
5. I have met tons of cool people who make me feel like its okay that I am so far from home!

To me, that's college.