Back and Better than Ever!

My entire life I have had this incredible obsession with fashion! I started sketching my own designs at age six and even at a young age I knew I wanted to be a part of this industry and fell in love with the glamorous side of life. However, recently, my love of fashion had taken a backseat to new challenges and adventures in my life. In fact the fashion industry, in my my mind, became frivolous and petty, something mock-worthy. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my lifestyle as a student and am learning new things constantly. But i feel that my love for fashion is making a comeback, I am now channeling the great Kate Moss, back and better than ever!(Muffin* you may be the only person who will get that but it's okay!) For now I have realized that I can have love for both worlds. An admiration for the fast-paced world of fashion and a drive and determination within the world of knowledge. I have begun sketching again and reading up on all the latest trends so I can regain insight into the fashion world. Also, on a complete whim, I entered a modeling contest. It is mainly just for fun and a chance to see my standing amongst the other hopefuls, but who knows this could be my step inside the industry I have always longed to be a part of. But for now, I just like reminiscing and flipping through the pages of Vogue, critiquing the models, and eating a pint of Half-Baked Ben and Jerry's.

"I would like to order some perspective, medium rare."

So i realize that i am entirely new to this whole dating thing and i know for certain i have never been in love, but for some odd reason the idea of "love" is constantly on my brain. Some doctors believe that there is a chemical in the male brain that triggers thoughts of sex every six seconds(and by doctors i mean Otown...) I think that i have a similar chemical, one that triggers thoughts of love all throughout my body exactly every 6 seconds. Like clock work. How romantic! You might be thinking. Actually it is more like this excrusiating reminder of how alone i am and the fact that i do not have that special person in my life who loves me. I have not been loved. Now don't think im getting all emo on you, i know that i am loved by family and friends and i am terribly grateful for that. I have a wonderful family and great friends who i would do anything for. But this type of love that i am thinking about, this type of love that controls me, is unexplicable. It is driven by the idea that there is someone out there for me and i have just not met him yet. Where my frustration comes in is the question of...when? When do i get to meet this person and how many almosts do i have to endure, how many heartbreaks until i find someone to love me back? Because i don't know how many of these i can handle and i don't even have the experience to know if it is all worth it. I really wish i would have gotten the sex brain instead!

I wish i were 6 again

So, with a great start to my college life and a sudden grasp of my own sense of self, I have become an adult, I have become that grown-up, americano blend, stressed out, over-analizing person I always knew I would become. At first I was thrilled. Adulthood meant a plethora of new and exciting things! However only the prospect of adulthood is glamorous (great shoes, no parents around to tell you what to do, staying out all hours of the night!) The truth of the matter is that being an adult is not all that glamorous and comes with incredible amounts of responsibility. Responsibility rears its ugliest of heads in the form of self preservation. When you were a child almost everything was handed to you by your parent or guardian, everything came easily and you were taken care of. Now, as an adult, the care giving is simply self involved and this is scary. You see, as much as you want to be grown up, you desperately want to be taken care of by others. You find yourself envious of the the baby in the stroller or the toddler learning to ride his bike. You want so badly to feel their warmth and compassion wrapping itself around every move you make again. You want to go back in time and be 6 years-old again. I was fortunate enough to have the most amazing parents I could have ever asked for! They raised me in a house filled with love and peanut blossoms and told me that they would solve any and every problem that ailed me. That sure was a lot of me to ask of them. I'm almost certain I didn't ask polietly either. Unfortunately, it is now my turn to address the problems that surround me. For they are indeed my own. So I just want to take this chance to say thank you to my parents for carrying me this far and provided me with more than I could have even imagined. But now is the time to say goodbye to that mushroom haired, dewy eyed, 6 year-old girl I used to be and hello to my future and everything that I make of it. Without me to take care of, maybe my parents will finally get the chance to move to that golf resort in Pebble Beach and someday their only care in the world will be the choice between an iron or a wood.

The Naked Roommate

Before I started my freshman year I had been told countless horror stories about the roommates that I was doomed to meet. Apparently it is the norm to have a roommate who has a wierd obsession with Disney movies and only wears the color pink, or a roommate who listens to Korn at 3 in the morning because it "soothes" her or even to have the infamous roommate who literally NEVER leaves the room. However when I arrived at DePaul, meeting my roommates was a refreshing surprise. They were both warm hearted and inviting people and as I grew to know them I discovered they were in fact the greatest roommates ever. Ironically all of our bedsheets were unplanned coordinating shades of blue...if that's not a good sign I don't know what is. My roommates are the type of people who ask polietly if they can turn the tv on late at night well knowing you are such a heavy sleeper you would sleep through an earthquake. They are the type of roommates to listen to your homesick cries about people they have never met even if it is 3 in the morning. They share your love of cereal and Gilmore Girls. The say exactly the right thing at the right time and are as caring as family. So I would just like to take the time to thank whomever who blessed me with these wonderful roommates. I am so lucky to have met them and wouldn't change them for the world. In fact, I would enjoy if they were more quirky...their greantess is a little creepy!

I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

So entering my third month here at college i am faced with the somewhat unharsh realities of the changes that surround me. The changes started small...location, living situation and basic lifestyle itself. But as I progressed into my new surroundings I noticed other changes as well. Throughout my entire life I have had these hazel-brown eyes, and by that I mean they are mainly brown and I called them hazel because I wanted to be unique and have one thing in common with Kelly Clarkson. The color of the eyes themselves has never been very saturated, and in a sea of piercing Swedish blue ones, they frequently went unnoticed. However with each new college experience the green in my eyes seems to protrude more and more. It is as if these new experiences; this new knowledge that i am obtaining and the person i am becoming in college is directly reflected by the greeness of my eyes. The color green holds several different meanings to people. To some green is the color of wealth and money and is regarded only to those of specific economic status. However to me this green, my green, represents a new freedom that I have found. I feel as though the brown in my eyes acted as a shield before; a protector from the negative aspects of life. I took comfort in that brown. I hid behind that brown in fear that by showing others who I am entirely could only lead to rejection. But it seems now that I have grown more confident in myself and am able to share that person with others. I feel now that I have control over the brown areas of my eyes and with confidence can cause them to flee away leaving only the beautiful shade of green I have always desired. Studies have shown that it is common for the color of a person's eyes to change over time due to factors such as light exposure or irritation. However I would much rather romanticize the idea that the color of your eyes is controlled from within and can be changed by everyone.